


The Things We Don't Say, That We Should

by our_black_heart



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: After TWS, Alternate Universe, Anxiety Attacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Haircuts, M/M, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Same-Sex Marriage, Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-03-27
Packaged: 2018-03-19 20:57:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3624024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/our_black_heart/pseuds/our_black_heart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky and Steve aren't good at communicating. Things get pretty intense over a haircut.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Things We Don't Say, That We Should

**Author's Note:**

> This is super random. I like long-haired Bucky.

It wasn’t like Steve to critique Bucky on his looks. The last thing Bucky needs is Steve telling him how to dress and what to change about his appearance, Steve knows that. Now though, both Steve and Bucky are comfortable with each other again, finally. They are together now, FINALLY.

And both Bucky and Steve feel that this long overdue relationship can’t possibly wait any longer, so when Steve proposes to Bucky and Bucky scowls at him with the sweetest possible intent that Bucky can nowadays, Steve knows he has him all to himself. So yes, they are engaged and yes, everyone is excited for the big day and with it just around the corner Steve wants Bucky to get a short trim.

Bucky however, has grown fond of his long locks over the years. They helped him be invisible when he needed to be on missions and when he wanted to be after Hydra fell and he had to learn how to readjust to modern day life. The longer hair makes Bucky feel like a witness or a bystander, like someone casually passing by life without being noticed. Someone normal, someone invisible. That is what he wants after all those years of being something, he just wants to be lazy and be selfish and be fucking invisible with Steve. Just the two of them, invisible for the rest of their lives, doing nothing but selfish things and being no one but each other’s husbands. They don’t owe anything to anyone anymore and Bucky is dead set on convincing Steve of that.

Of course it won’t work, Bucky knows that. Steve is too good a person, too brave, too strong, too much of a hero to leave behind a world that so desperately needs him more than Bucky needs him, but definitely doesn’t want him as much as Bucky wants him.

Steve doesn’t quite understand why Bucky is holding out on getting a haircut, it’s not like Bucky tells him about what his hair means to him and it’s not like it’s a big deal. He just wants Bucky to sport that gel slicked hairdo that he used to wear on special occasions a long time ago when the world needed so much less from them and all they had as proof of their love were a few stolen kisses on long winter nights.

Steve remembers those kisses all too well, they were short lived and never spoken of. Bucky and him had a system, they would share one or two short kisses, smile at each other like idiots and fall asleep in each other’s shaky arms. The only rule was that the kisses would never be talked about and that stood up against everything, because even they never talked about the kisses, even in the privacy of their own house in their own bedroom that no one knew they shared. Those were much simpler times and in that moment Steve thought that was all he needed, Bucky being sweet and generous enough to share a few kisses with him and him graciously accepting them. Steve always thought that, that was all he would ever have. He’d have a short life, Bucky would always be his best guy, they would hide their secret forbidden relationship and then finally on his death bed he’d look over at Bucky and see how healthy and handsome he was and he’d put his hand on Bucky’s soft cheek.

“Till the end of the line, Steve. Even if you decide to check out on me a little early, as long as I’m breathing as long as my soul is kicking, I’m gonna love you till the end of that line.” Steve would smack Bucky on the shoulder for talking so stupidly, he’d tell Bucky to move on that he didn’t want him to linger on him like that. Secretly though, he’d want Bucky to love him forever because he was allowed to be selfish back then.

But that was all some weird fantasy he had when he was that skinny, sick kid from Brooklyn. Now is a much different time. Bucky is much different and Steve himself is much different. They don’t have that privilege anymore, Steve and Bucky can’t just live for each other and as different as Bucky is now, Steve still loves him the same way he loved that stupid jerk that took off for the military. And as much as he really does love Bucky’s long, dark locks he really just wants a small reminder of what they had, of where it all started. That is why he is so persistent about Bucky getting his hair cut. Of course he won’t tell Bucky that and Bucky won’t tell him why he won’t cut it so now they are arguing over a stupid haircut a week before their wedding.

Bucky is angry and nowadays when he’s angry he just slinks around the corners and shadows of their shared apartment and he won’t talk to Steve. Which of course, puts Steve on edge.

“Why won’t you just get the goddamn haircut?”

“Why does it matter so much? Do I look bad? Is that it Steve? I look bad?”

“No, of course not! You know I always think you’re pretty!” Bucky scowls.

“Then why’s a haircut so important?”

“It’s not, forget I brought it up.” That’s when Steve’s shoulders drop and his stupid face sags into a frown. He sulks away into their bedroom and Bucky is left to seethe in anger alone.

Two days before the wedding Bucky catches Steve staring at some ancient picture of Bucky with his short, slicked-back hair from before everything had happened. Steve’s eyes widen and he looks like an injured deer in headlights, his mouth is opening and shutting like a goldfish and nothing is coming out of it. Bucky’s weak, little, black heart shrivels and falls to the pit of his stomach and suddenly the room feels like it’s closing in on him. He starts to feel claustrophobic again and he runs as fast as he can into the in-room bathroom. Within seconds Steve is pounding on the door, but Bucky has already locked it. He can faintly hear Steve shouting apologies at him. They’re muffled, but he can tell Steve is shouting and he might even be sobbing, but Bucky can’t really tell right now. He looks at himself in the mirror and he tries to really see himself. He’s not the same guy Steve fell in love with so long ago, he’s definitely different. He feels as different as he looks too. He doesn’t really think about it, but he’s looking in the drawers and when he finally finds the scissors he immediately begins to snip away at his hair. There isn’t really a pattern or strategy to it, just a bunch of slices through hair with big metal scissors that they keep around. When he’s done and the scissors finally hit the counter, he looks at himself in the mirror again and he can’t take the feeling welling up in his chest. It’s a deep, pounding emptiness that emanates from his heavy chest all the way up to his shitty hair and then all the way down to his bare feet. He feels fucking ugly and he has nothing to hide behind, not Hydra, not a mask, not Steve and now not even his long hair.

He feels so entirely overwhelmed and breathing is becoming so difficult, his heart is pounding harshly up against his chest and his blood is too hot against his skin. He’s freaking out and that’s when Steve picks open the door. Finally, fucking finally.

He looks at Bucky with these big, sad eyes and Bucky just slams into him and cries. Steve wraps his arms around Bucky and just holds him, because now he can tell this isn’t just about the hair and it isn’t about Steve staring at that picture of Bucky from before the war.

“Now everyone can see me Steve.” He sobs into Steve’s neck. “I look awful and everyone can see me. Everyone hates me, they’re scared of me and now they can see me.” Steve holds Bucky impossibly tighter and it feels like all of a sudden Bucky can breathe again, even with Steve’s tight grip on him.

“Hey, look at me. I love you always, no matter what. You know that right?” Bucky is looking down at his bare feet against blue tile, the same blue tile he chose when they first moved in here and renovated. Steve lifts Bucky’s head up with a slight nudge to the chin with his index finger. Bucky nods shyly and Steve just loves this guy so much, he did then and he most certainly does now. “Good, you jerk.”

“What are we going to do about my hair?” Bucky asks between sobs.

“Well, you didn’t chop it all off. So I can probably fix it, if you want me too?” Bucky nods again. “You know you don’t have to hide anymore, right? No one thinks you’re that bad guy, anymore.” Bucky looks up at him with those searing blue eyes.

“Really?”

“Mhm, you don’t have to be invisible anymore. In a short two days, you and I will be married. You and I will be husbands and if you decide that you like your hair better longer, because you like the way it looks rather than because you get to hide behind it. We will keep it longer. Got it?”

“Okay.” And with that, the month long battle was over. Steve was able to salvage what was left of Bucky’s long hair and he did end up slicking it back for their wedding.

“The Grooms have written their own vows and would now like to say them.”

Bucky clears his throat and takes Steve’s hands in his own.

“Till the end of line, Punk.” He smirks like he thinks he's clever.

Steve smiles and for the first time in a while, he doesn’t regret the things he’s done and he doesn’t miss the past. This, what is happening right now, is better than lying on his death bed hoping that Bucky will love him forever even after his death. He looks over at Bucky and he is healthy and handsome and he himself feels healthy and handsome, possibly for the first time in his life.

“Till the end of the line, Buck.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think of this, also there are some errors in this. I am aware of that and I will take care of it asap. Hope you enjoy!


End file.
